Why We Don’t Talk About Goals: The Real Purpose of the “You and Me”

Jul 07, 2025

Many salon owners still run their businesses the way we were taught: by chasing numbers, setting sales targets, and holding endless one-on-ones focused on “goals.”

But here’s a secret from inside Destroy The Hairdresser: goals are not the key to running your team effectively. Clarity is.

Let’s talk about our tool called the “You and Me.”

The Problem With Traditional One-on-Ones

For years, traditional one-on-ones in salons have revolved around benchmarks:

“Sell more retail.”
“Book more clients.”
“Upsell services.”

Managers often disguise these benchmarks as “goals,” but they’re really about the salon’s bottom line, not the stylist’s growth.

This creates a tug-of-war:

Owner’s goals (grow revenue, reduce costs)
Stylist’s goals (more freedom, creative expression, less burnout)

These two sets of goals frequently clash—and no one ends up satisfied.

That’s why at DTH, we don’t talk about goals in You and Me meetings.

What is the “You and Me”?

The You and Me replaces the traditional one-on-one. It’s designed purely for clarity and proactive leadership.

Here’s what it’s NOT:

It’s NOT for goal setting.
It’s NOT for gathering staff feedback.
It’s NOT a cozy coaching session about someone’s dreams.

Instead, the You and Me is your space, as the salon owner, to clearly communicate:

What you expect from your team members
Where they’re excelling
What behaviors need to improve
How you’re holding them accountable

How Often Should You Do a You and Me?

Every 30 days.

Yes, it sounds like a lot. But running a business is a lot. If it feels overwhelming, it’s often because you’re still behind the chair. The reality is:

“If you’re running your business and you’re not behind the chair as much, THIS is the job.”

These regular conversations prevent the classic “all of a sudden” syndrome:

“All of a sudden they’re late all the time.”
“All of a sudden they’re sloppy with guests.”
“All of a sudden they’re toxic.”

But it was never “all of a sudden.” You just weren’t checking in.

Keep It Tight: 30 Minutes Max

Another golden rule:

Set a timer for 30 minutes. When it goes off, you’re done.

Salon owners and stylists are notorious for turning a “quick chat” into a two-hour therapy session. The You and Me should stay focused and efficient.

The Ideal Setting

We recommend doing these outside the salon if possible—like at a coffee shop or on a park bench. The reason? Neutral territory helps shift the dynamic.

Disciplinary meetings should stay in the salon.
You and Me meetings should feel different.

If you’re using Zoom, be cautious—staff might join from home or other casual settings. Depending on your state, virtual meetings may also require paying staff for that time.

The You and Me Sheet: Your Private Tool

Many owners mistakenly give staff the You and Me sheet to fill out themselves. Don’t do that.

This sheet is:

✅ For your eyes only.

❌ Not a collaborative document.

Here’s what you document on it:

1. Employee Excellence

Start every You and Me with excellence.

What does this person do that goes above and beyond?
“They show up on time” is not excellence. That’s just doing the job.

Example of excellence:

“Valerie constantly cleans the salon throughout the day, even though that’s not her job.”

If there’s nothing excellent to report, that’s okay. Document that, too.

2. Phases of Development

Know where your team member is in their growth:

Phase 1: The honeymoon phase — everything’s exciting.
Phase 2: The reality check — actual workload kicks in.
Phase 3: Challenge phase — issues surface.
Phase 4: Coasting — they’ve mastered the role and may stagnate.

Identifying their phase helps you anticipate challenges and provide the right support.

3. Challenges

This is the meat of the meeting. You document:

Specific issues you’re observing.
No emotion, no drama—just facts.

For example:

“Valerie has been arriving late for clients.”

“Valerie isn’t engaging on social media.”

Why We Focus on Feelings, Not Goals

Instead of asking your team about their goals, you’ll dig into something far more telling:

Most desired feelings
Least desired feelings

Why?

Because your stylist’s behaviors are driven by emotions, not just logic.

Example:

Desired feeling: Accomplished
Least desired feeling: Out of control

If Valerie’s always late, that “out of control” feeling may explain why she’s struggling. Instead of barking orders, you’d ask:

“How can we help you feel more accomplished and in control?”

This leads to tailored solutions—ones your stylist helps create.

Let Your Staff Choose Solutions

A crucial DTH rule:

Never impose your solutions on staff.

If Valerie is chronically late, it’s not helpful to say:

“Set your alarm earlier.”

Instead, you’d ask:

“What’s one thing you can commit to that will help you be on time?”

Valerie might choose:

Starting her day later
Posting reminders on her mirror
Setting phone alerts

Now it’s her solution. And you can hold her accountable to it.

The Difference Between a Challenge and a Problem

A challenge isn’t yet harming your business. A problem is when it impacts:

Your income
Your reputation

If staff lateness leads to negative reviews, it’s no longer a challenge—it’s a problem, and it’s time for a write-up (which DTH calls a conversation).

Accountability is Everything

You and Me meetings create a paper trail:

✅ You documented excellence.

✅ You documented challenges.

✅ You documented their chosen solutions.

If someone fails repeatedly—even to follow through on their own solutions—it’s clear they’re not the right fit. You can let them go, knowing you gave them every chance.

Why We Don’t Bother With Goals

So why does DTH avoid “goals” altogether?

Because most stylists:

Don’t achieve them.
Forget about them.
Or set them so high they’re disconnected from reality.

Instead, we focus on creating environments where people feel:

Heard
Accomplished
Seen

And where they can clearly understand how to improve.

In Summary

The You and Me isn’t about goals—it’s about clarity.

It’s your monthly tool to:

✅ Acknowledge excellence

✅ Address challenges

✅ Understand emotions driving behaviors

✅ Agree on solutions

✅ Keep your business on track

And most importantly—it’s how you avoid the roller coaster of loving your team one week… and wanting to fire everyone the next.

Want to learn more about implementing You and Me's in your salon? Check out the resources on your DTH Virtual Campus, or reach out for coaching.

Let’s keep it real, keep it clear, and keep it moving forward—together.