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Your Answers for the Opponent Assignment:

Fear: Personally: I think I am scared to become a mom, even though I know I want to be one. I feel I have been waiting to get pregnant thinking that this surely will give me the change I'm looking for. Some how becoming a mom will make me a more confident take no shit women.Like it will be such a shift in priority that the baby will fix everything that is wrong in my career .This baby will allow me to stop doing things that I don't like, it will allow me to say no to people and not feel bad, it will bring my family together, it will make me more organized. (which is ridiculous I know I will most likely be the same unorganized kaylan) thats so much pressure to put on a baby though! I also think sometimes that I mentally not make pregnancy happen bc I'm scared of the changes it will bring even though I want it. I worry about not caring about my career anymore, which is not something I want. My career is so important to me and consumes so much of my life I can't imagine something else taking priority but at the same time I want a shift in my life. I need more. I have a hard time balancing work and home sometimes. I guess I'm just scared for such a big permanent change but also I want it so bad. I sound very confused huh? 
Professionally: ohhhh professionally I think I fear so many things. I am a chronic people pleaser. I have gotten slightly better with age but not by much. I always want people to like me. Im scared to raise my prices bc I don’t want people to think that I think I’m too good at what I do. As if raising my prices equates to me being full of myself or something. I also get scared sometimes that if I make an significant changes at work I will loose people and it will never be as good as I have it now. Like I should just be thankful for the book I have.I know that so many decisions I make at work are fear based or confidence based. or both. but I really don't know how to articulate exactly what the fear is. Fear of change I guess. Or afraid that things would change for the worse. Afraid that people won’t like me anymore.

Doubt: Professionally: I’ve realized more and more that I doubt every damn thing I do. My boss said to me recently that I’m to hard on myself but I don’t know how else to be. I second guess everything I do. From formulation to technique to the finished product to pricing. If I finish and I see one thing that I don’t think is perfect I then feel bad when I go to charge my client, even if they don’t see what I see. bc usually they have no idea what I’m even talking about. I don’t always say this to them but sometimes I do and I know that this is really bad bc I come off unconfident and inexperienced. Sometimes social media makes me doubt myself and my work. Ill look at what other stylist that I admire are doing and I feel like embarrassed or something. I can’t really explain the exact feeling. I feel like I’m looking at flawless work and I feel less then. Even though I know that its not all what it seems on social media. I work with a girl who I’ve known since she was 15, she has confidence, shes beautiful, her social media pictures are insanely good. She charges people whatever she sees fit. A lot of times she works less then I do and makes the same amount as I do. and To be 100% honest her work in person is not what it is on social media. What she does with chemicals and scissors is an assault on my senses sometimes. I know this sounds like I am hating on this girl but I really am not. I’m so proud of what she has accomplished and I LOVE her confidence. I envy her confidence. She was the straw that broke my back to reach out to Destry the Hairdresser. The difference between us is so obvious to me, she’s doing something right and I want it. She made me realize something needed to change for me. i feel my doubt comes from lack of confidence and constantly comparing myself to other people. but I have a hard time stopping this thought process when I’m in it. It def gets me down sometimes. I get so frustrated with everything at work.
Personally: Is doubting yourself the same as no having confidence in yourself? I think a lot about myself with a daughter. My husband is an incredible person and will be an amazing dad. I worry that I will be putting all my body image issues and general lack of confidence on a child. I second guess so many decisions in my life. Its honestly gotten a little better after meeting my husband. He is sooooo supportive of everything and anything I want. But I feel this also needs to come from within. I feel a little stuck writing this about my personal life bc I feel that it all comes from the same lack of confidence and self worth. Professional and personal mush into each other.

Guilt: Personally/Professionally : this one really consumes my life in both categories. I feel guilt everyday. I will over think things that I’ve said to people and later apologize for absolutely nothing, for things that people don’t even give a second thought about. I am a chronic apologizer. Sorry comes out of my mouth so many times a day I couldn’t even count. I feel guilty for firing two of my clients bc like who the fuck do I think I am?!?! I feel guilty if I charge someone what I think is to much for them bc I feel bad for them. Guilty if I charge someone for something that I think is less then perfect. I feel guilty for thinking I deserve better, for wanting more. Like why can’t I just be ok with what I have. I feel guilty if I drink to much at a party and I’m overly quiet and keep to myself?? Thats a weird one! I think a lot about my career and life and do nothing about it really and then feel guilty for not doing anything and then so frustrated with it and myself. I feel I neglect some relationships in my life and feel bad about it. I feel guilty for eating gluten bc my husband works so hard to find cool recipes and food that are gluten free bc I have a thyroid issue. But sometimes I just need a bagel and then I feel bad. Thats also a weird one haha. I feel guilty saying no to people. I guess it all comes down to people pleasing and having to be liked by everyone. I’m so worried about what others think of me. I actually want to apologize to you for the grammar in these and the general lack of proper writing skills. The guilt man! Its terrible!!!

Assignments

1. Hear your Opponent

Dont suppress that voice. Hear it. Your opponents only goal is to stop you from finding fulfillment.  When ever it starts running its mouth then you know you are on the brink of something real.

Learn to fight against it. 

2. Practice pushing against it this week

Email/ text me the challenges or success you had with this. 

Cyd CharisseComment