Hipster Jesus Signals The End Of War & Manual Labor

Does anyone else have a crush on the romanticized white Jesus? Beautiful long locks of brown hair. Silky, milky white skin, those rippled abs and that full beard. That version of Jesus is a hottie and we have to just admit it. (though he probably looked more like Osama Bin Laden and smelled like Bonnaroo). Most of Brooklyn is home to these beautifully replicated Aryan sons of God. The hipster trend may seem baffling to most people but historically and scientifically this is a great sign! In a sense you could say the messiah has come, rather they have come. Dressed in sweatpants, vintage boots and ironic t-shirts. This may not have been the messiah your grandmother told you about but I'm sure she would admit that these men are strikingly similar to the one her Sunday school teacher told her about. 

Historically speaking, both men and women have traditionally had long hair. Humanity's ancestors had long hair to protect them from the elements and give them an advantage while hunting. As we developed into different classes and caste systems manual laborers started cutting their hair off due to its annoyance during work. When man created the concept of war armies started realizing quickly that long hair was a disadvantage during battles. I guess you could say that hair pulling isn’t just for girls. 

Men of royalty and high stature wore their hair long. This distinguished them from the laboring class who sported short hair. Long hair on a man signaled the end of war. His hair could once again be grown out and pulled but only in the good way.

We forget that we are animals. We forget that we are susceptible to historical and scientific patterns. Hairstyles during WWI and WWII were considerably shorter. Their hair signaled a time for combat and heavy labor. We are just coming out of these world wars that haunt us from less than 100 years ago. Our planet seems unstable and in flux.

Fear is flooding into our psyches and we are nominating people such as Donald Trump for presidency and allowing places like Flint, Michigan to drink poison due to the lead in their water we are becoming more and more racist due to the media separating us and we need a savior now we have many! Men everywhere can feel the changes in the atmosphere like a bird flying south for the winter or a dog spinning in circles due to an unseen storm brewing men can sense the calm coming. Beards are growing, hair is gaining length signaling the end of war, the end of manual labor and the beginning of a creative, mobile, collaborative, tech driven society. It only took us about a number of decades to get over post war effects which can be seen in the growing length of male hair trends since the 1950's. The hipster movement is not a trend. It's a historical and scientific signal that how we labor is changing and war is ending. Rest for now and worry when the men around you start cutting their locks off and preparing for war.