Is Fear Your Friend or Foe?

Is Fear Your Friend or Foe?

In a cave, in the dark...the darkest darkness; the total absence of light...fear is real.  It's what kept Homo Erectus alive until it evolved into Homo Sapiens.  Survival instincts keep pedestrians from turning down that dark alley at 3 a.m. and away from the nightmare-come-to-life clowns luring kids into the woods.  Fight or flight is an instinct that is programmed into (most of) any creature's DNA.  Except the honey badger.  Because he doesn't give a shit.

While it is great that humans have evolved and developed a lifestyle that takes the fear of being eaten alive by wolves out of the equation, now there is a new way of thinking about fear.

FEAR IS NOT REAL.

I can actually think of a couple people that might have an issue with that.

I can actually think of a couple people that might have an issue with that.

Relinquish fear.  Embrace love.  Fear is all in our heads; it is one of only two emotions in our minds according to Love is Letting Go of Fear author Dr. Gerald Jampolsky.  The widely read personal development book focuses on 12 lessons that guide the reader to a life in which fear, doubt, and negativity are replaced with optimism, joy, and love.  Live a contented life with no fear.

Pixar's Inside Out used expert psychologists when creating the characters in Riley's head.  There will be no spoilers for the movie, only a question posed to those that have seen it: if Sadness was truly gone and Joy ran the entire show 24/7, what kind of person would Riley be?(hint: not a healthy one) They really nailed that balance of joy/sadness thanks in part to doctors Paul Ekman and Dacher Keltner, who have a Confucian (balanced) approach to emotions. 

Balance is good.  The wider spectrum of emotion that is available to humans who accept the good (love) and the bad (fear) gives the most opportunities for amazing experiences as well as prevention of harm.

Two world-class athletes and two A-list actors walk into a bar.  (this is not a joke) They have a discussion about fear.  The two actors share that fear has to be conquered in order to get through an audition, be cast in a role, become an iconic artist.  The two athletes share that the second they lost their fear, they lost the game.  One group pushed aside their fear and the other let it work for them.

Yeah, Yoda, you ripped an 8 year old slave kid away from his mom, dragged him across the galaxy and are judging him the second you meet him.  Needed all your Jedi mind powers to sense that one, did you?

Yeah, Yoda, you ripped an 8 year old slave kid away from his mom, dragged him across the galaxy and are judging him the second you meet him.  Needed all your Jedi mind powers to sense that one, did you?

Balance is the key.  Without fear one cannot experience courage. Balance is important.  Without the lows to define the highs, what becomes the new low?  Is it about letting go of fear or accepting it is there and continuing with the game plan?  How many kinds of fear are there? 

Some people try for years to get the same inspiration from the motivational LOVE THYSELF LET GO OF FEAR FEAR IS AN ILLUSION FEAR PREVENTS YOU FROM BEING YOUR TRUE SELF BE A HAPPY SELF CONTENTED NO SADNESS PERSON NEGATIVITY IS NOT WELCOME HERE STOP THE INSANITY messages that others thrive on.  It can be alienating.  An intellectual hairdresser who does not connect in that way can only hear they are negative so long before it becomes a word they associate with.  What came first: the chicken or the egg?  

How do you know you have those people on your team?  They are the eye rollers during the Zig Zigler motivational power point session.  They have a deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression when people start tearing up at meetings.  Their ideas come off as grandiose.  They can be described as standoffish.  

Salon owners, team leaders and managers here is the question: are you going to alienate them or draw them in?  Do you accept that not all people are motivated in the same way?

Everyone has fear.  Fear is not the problem, it is our reactions to the fear.  Fear often is an indicator of an area in our lives that should be worked on.  Is your fear/love ratio in balance or are you struggling?  Do motivational messages connect with you?  If not, what do you connect with?  This one is a conversation starter boys and girls.  Is your fear healthy or toxic?  Let us know as we leave No One Behind at Destroy the Hairdresser.  

 

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@katewrightnurtur

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